You Can Smoke Here... say wha?

If you look to the right, you'll see two links: one of which is a link to Newsarama for my buddy, Steve Fritz, two columns there - please look for them - "Animated Shorts" and "Weekend Viewing". Steve is one of the best in the biz concening the animation world.
The other is a link to "The Here & There" e-zine which also has the illustrious and future National Best-Selling author, Benthere, as a writer. My column is called "You Can Smoke Here" - an obvious take-off on all the smoking bans (To not be able to smoke in a bar or casino is against the natural order of things and you people should be shot for falling for that bullshit) which is essentially a music review column, although I sometimes rant. Anyway, the last column was just put up which was a "Best Of 2006 - Part One." Although I'm still submitting this one, here's a rare chance to see how I get down. Sorry Mike, I just wanted it out there...


Part one was my take on the year’s best from an industry view. This one is purely personal. Here’s my take on 2006.

It sucked.

No, really, it sucked huge. And is it me, or did it just zoom by? I mean, James Brown dies on Christmas day? How fucked up is that? Needless to say, I’ve been listening to James Brown tracks for the last couple of days (yeah, I got a ton of James Brown tracks – it’s the Godfather you knuckleheads…) and been watching some youtube vids of the man. And, it really just summed up the year for me – it sucked.

Hip-hop was horrible. Come on, you know it’s true. This was not what history will call a “banner” year. All this weak ass hoppity hop music – get the fuck outta here. Thank God for Lil’ Wayne – did Weezy hold down the fort, or what? His game stepped up like a mad man and did he ever get rewarded for it. He took Luda’s spot as the supreme guest artist for a track. If Weezy didn’t lay down at least a bar for you, your shit wasn’t official. All of this leads to why, for 2006 – Lil’ Wayne is my artist of the year. Just the amount of work alone gives him the title but “The Carter II” was the crowning achievement. With all that said, “The Carter II” barely made my top ten. Why? Because simply put, Wayne is a better sprinter than long-distance runner.

My album of the year in hip-hop was….

The Roots – Game Theory.

Yeah, you heard me. Moreso than the Clipse, Nas, Game, Ghostface, Styles P, any of em. The Roots. The whole album summed up 2006 for me. It’s some bleak shit and it’s time to move on. Grow the fuck up and deal. In a year of half ass wack rappers, The Roots took out the long-range rifle and plucked these herbs off one by one.

It also holds up. The beats are insane; Black Thought is a man possessed, and quite frankly (shout out to Stephen A.) you can listen to the damn thing months afterwards and it’s still hot as fuck. Let’s see who says that about most of the shit that was released this year.

Still in all, T.I. came thru like a champ, Obie Trice proved he’s a killer on the mic, and the loss of J Dilla looms large more and more. Snoop came back with a vengeance, Jay-Z returned to save hip-hop (and failed heroically), and Nas bodied hip-hop as the bitch she turned out to be.

Meanwhile, Justin Timberlake became the R&B artist we all knew he was by channeling Prince while D’Angelo was M.I.A. with Lauryn Hill, Maxwell, and others. Left the game to whom? Dwele proved that he’s far more advanced than R&B is ready for, and John Legend came in the last quarter like D Wade to save the day. What was so sad about R&B this year is that all the good stuff got overlooked. I mean, when y’all is making major noise over Ciara, the game is fucked up for good. Ciara makes a better CD than Janet? What the fuck? Leela James doesn’t get any love; neither does Vivian Green, Heather Headley, and Conya Doss? Beyonce makes a half-ass CD and you all wonder why I’m praying Alicia Keys comes out soon and smashes the game one mo’ time. People ain’t even making noise about Brian McKnight’s awesome “Ten”. Damn music game is a travesty right now.

Here’s my top ten Hip-Hop CD’s for 2006 10 – 1.

Jay-Z – Kingdom Come
The Game – Doctor’s Advocate
Lil’ Wayne – The Carter II
T.I. – King
J Dilla – The Shining
Nas – Hip-Hop Is Dead
Hi-Tek – Hi-Teknology II – The Chip
Clipse – Hell Hath No Fury
Ghostface Killah - Fishscale/More Fish
The Roots – Game Theory

Yeah, no Luda, no Snoop, no Bow-Wow, no Kanye, and Nas was number five and I raved all over that shit. I love Nas’ new joint to death but on a personal level, it’s just not… well it ain’t killin’ it for me. And Jay only made it because of “Minority Report”, “Lost Ones”, “Kingdom Come”, “30 Something” and “Dig A Hole”. When Hov’s on, he’s on like a motherfucker, but that “Hollywood” bullshit was horrendous.

Actually, while I’m giving Weezy artist of the year, the man that made me think Hip-Hop has a chance this year was none other than Jim Jones. That ballin shit is contagious like cancer. Plus I just like the Dipset Capo’s swagger – he truly don’t give a fuck and I truly believe Jim Jones is the east coast reincarnation of Tupac. No one carries the flag on his back with more flavor than Jim Jones, baby….

And y’all can say Lupe is gonna save hip hop but Styles P, Termanology, Papoose, Saigon, Jae Millz, Game, Clipse, and Stat Quo are doin’ the damn thang….

My top ten in R&B? Y’all are so clueless, it’s gonna hurt…. Here’s ten thru one….

LeToya – LeToya
Javier – Left Of Center
Ne-Yo – In My Own Words
Anthony David – The Red Clay Chronicles
Mary J Blige – The Breakthrough
Christina Aguilera – Back To Basics
John Legend – Once Again
Lyfe Jennings – The Phoenix
Brian McKnight – Ten
Justin Timberlake – Futuresex/Lovesounds

Yeah, JT took the top spot. Can’t deny that shit. And yes, bitches – no Beyonce, Avant, Ciara, Janet, any of that bullshit. And yes, Christina beats Mary on this one. And I honestly love Mary’s joint but Christina made an album for the ages. People will be checking that joint years from now going – why didn’t this album take the top spot? Because 2006 sucked that’s why. No justice, that’s what it is. Hell, I’m still listening to most of 2005 because 2006 was such a letdown.

If I hear “Irreplaceable” one more damn time…. Alicia, when the hell are you going to drop a new joint? Tamia made one helluva CD but it’s a shame no one’s gonna hear that motherfucker because all these silly asses think Ciara’s got the goodies. Girl is cute, she can dance her ass off but let’s be real… she can’t sing her way out of a paper bag. Same goes for Carrie. Diddy must be kicking himself for signing that bust. You could’ve signed Mila J, kid…

Right now I’m listening to “Summer Love” by JT and it just shows me how much ahead of the curve he is. The harmonies, the beats, singing thru the change, the whole deal. Usher, will you come and shut this kid down already?

James Brown has gone home and JT is doing his best Prince/Michael Jackson impersonation. Lord, help me to hold out….

I swear, if this is where music is going, I’m taking a vacation and packing up my Michael Buble, Frank Sinatra, Marvin Gaye, Luther Vandross (I miss you so much, Luther…), Aretha Franklin, and Miles Davis CD’s and hiding until D’Angelo comes to save the day like the freakin’ Black Panther.

But I do have to grudgingly admit, that “Set The Mood Prelude/Until The End Of Time” joint JT has is off the chain.

I hope 2007 sees the Mets in the pennant (fuckin’ Cardinals…), Spider-Man 3 top the box office for at least two months, Jessica Alba gain back that booty she done lost (girl, what the hell has Hollywood done to you), Entourage, Heroes, 24, and the Sopranos kick ass, and Halle Berry do a decent love scene with a brother. Bruce Willis, Halle? Are you serious? Where’s Angela Bassett when I need her….

Peace, children – I’m going to play Marvel Ultimate Alliance and Justice League Heroes so I can kick some ass….

The Dawning of a New Age - Volume 2?

This is a post I’ve been meaning to get to for a while now. Excuse me if it’s a bit long-winded, but you’ll understand why in a few minutes. Please, bear with me.

Around late October 2006, a couple of friends stopped by and we were channel surfing because, frankly, everything on my 1200 channel cable box was, well, boring. Not one thing held our interest. So much so, that when we hit upon one of the many shopping networks and they began hawking electronics, we were glued but because we were bashing everything they had to offer.

Finally one of my friends said, “Can’t one of these guys be up on the times?”

And nirvana struck me like a truck.

I said, “My friends, how many of us truly realize that we are living in a historical time? I mean, for all that’s said and done, we are living in what will go down in the history books as the new technological age. Think about it. How many of our kids even realize that radio was our MTV, BET and videos were virtually non-existent? How many know about 8 tracks, and reel to reel, and that if you wanted to carry music around, you had to lug what was akin to a freakin carry on with speakers and hope it wouldn’t pop your 120 minute cassette tape?”

The list goes on and on. Vinyl, cassettes, VHS, beta, Atari, Sega Dreamcast, the Walkman, and dare I even say, the mini disc? The remote control is commonplace. Do you remember what was our parents’ remote control? Us! “Slade, come here a minute.” “Yeah, mama?” “Turn that to channel seven, I’m missin’ my soaps!” Oh yeah, we were the fucking remote. Technics turntables were a luxury. Now, we look at vinyl and go, “I remember pops and scratches. Ha, ha, ha… what a time that was…”

I look at my vast VHS tape and cassette tape collection and even my enormous CD collection and think, “How fucking obsolete this all is.” Especially since I can download all of it or burn it on my computer and store it on an external hard drive that’s no bigger than an avant-garde key-chain. Just two short years ago, everyone thought that 60gigs was enough forever. What a joke. Now, if you don’t have at least 80 to 200 gigs on your PC, you got problems.

E-mail has replaced the answering machine while cell phones have replaced home phones and land lines. The only time a landline comes in handy is, God forbid, a blackout or disaster of some kind. How much you want to bet that give or take a year or two that will no longer be an issue?

Did you know that at least 45% of the general population of the world now does more online shopping than go to the store? And people wonder why obesity is a problem? Because by 2020, you won’t have to get up from your freakin’ multitask recliner to go to the freakin’ bathroom. It will be piped thru, complete with new sanitizer and potpourri scents.

Forget missing a television show, we got DVR’s and TiVo. Our music is so portable; we have a mini hard drive that is no bigger than a credit card with at least 500 to 2000 songs of our choosing on it. Even our portable phones are multitasking now. Can you say “Blackberry Pearl”? What about “Chocolate” and I ain’t talkin’ Godiva either, I’m talking Verizon.

Right now your kid is text messaging someone. Right now, your college child is not going to parties – the house party has returned in full force, and usually now they don’t even care about dancing and sex. Can you beat me in Madden on that PS3/Xbox 360/Nintendo Wii? I mean, the nightlife in major cities are all turning into lounges to lure back in the baby-boomers.

I don’t need to go to the movies anymore. Why bother? It will be on DVD in a couple of months. Hell, in a couple of weeks, it might be on youtube, or I can download it off of iTunes, Zune marketplace, Napster, Connect and those are the legal options. Limewire or Torrent makes even that look late in the game by comparison.

Our “friends” in cyberland know more about us than the people who live with and around us. Everyone is a journal keeper now. It’s called a blog.

It’s a wonder these kids even know how to pro-create given that they only see each other in school and that’s becoming obsolete in it’s present form as we speak. Cyber schools and home training are rapidly becoming more and more popular. Just log in and find the info. Google, anyone? Oh, I’m sorry – that was last year. Ask.com is new hip shit, right?

We now have access to a memory flash card no bigger than your thumbprint that can hold at least 5-10 full-length motion pictures. Magazines are online now, as are newspapers. You can read the news and not get ink on your hands? What a brilliant concept! And everything is in “real” time; so much so that the most decorated show is about “real” time. “24” is the hippest thing out there.

Why buy an air-conditioner when you can have central air/heat? Our water comes in bottles or we attach purifying contraptions to our faucets. Or we have a purifying bucket somewhere named Brita or Pur. And can someone tell me what the fuck is “trans fat”? And “soy milk”? I know about Soy juice, but Soy milk doesn’t exist, people! What your drinking there is a lie.

And we all are being educated at a faster rate. Did anyone really buy that whole “Weapons Of Destruction” bullshit? And where’s Osama? How is it that we can pinpoint anyone else’s location but we can’t find this guy? Are we even looking?

Sometimes nature likes to remind us that we aren’t the big dogs in the pool. But, not for lack of trying. Katrina reminded us of that in a hurry. And what did our so-called leaders do? Not a blessed thing.

Within ten years, the laser gun will surpass a regular gun. Within 20 years, you can order a meal for the each day of the week and it will be beamed to you. We just might even see that illusive flying car. Not that motorized thing with wings that has two wheels, I mean when your SUV can actually take off.

In the last 50 years, our technical advances have grown in number and size and into the collective at a rapid rate. But at what cost? In many ways, our children have lost their common sense and think that television is reality. And why not? “Reality” television is a regular thing now. American Idol, The Apprentice, Bachelor, Dancing With The Stars, and of course, my favorite – everyone’s newest coon show, Flavor Of Love. We have women starving themselves to look like Paris Hilton or gaining weight to look like the video vixens we see on music videos.

Our sports stars have become walking billboards. Hell, our fashion is dictated by a billboard mentality. True Religions, Baby Phat, and Rock & Republic have become the new Jordache, Gloria Vanderbilts, Sergios, etc of their day. You know something is seriously wrong when freakin’ Levi’s cost over $50 a pop.

Look around you. You, yes YOU are living in an ever-growing historical time. So much so that Time Magazine has placed a mirror on their cover for Person of the Year.

That person is you.

Say what?

I won’t even get into medical advances. But you know it’s a bad time when we can cure dysfunctional male erections but we can’t cure Cancer, herpes, the common cold or HIV.

Welcome to the dawning of a new age. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to listen to my iPod, while setting up my DVR for my favorite show and saving this entry on my external flash hard drive.

That hard drive is portable, by the way.

Addendum: The Today Show just did a segment on the last 25 years of Technology. Plus, if you are into anime, animation movies, etc – you might want to follow this link to Newsarama’s “Animated Shorts” by my friend Steve Fritz -

http://forum.newsarama.com/showthread.php?p=2938983&posted=1#post2938983

BTW – he was actually in on that conversation above. We’re serious geeks when it comes to our tech.

Auld Lang Syne

Let us say goodbye to 2006 and welcome in 2007....



Nothing says "Happy" like a Melyssa Ford picture.... yessir...

Anyway, it's been a helluva year and damn if it didn't go by fast. So, here's to all of you and your families - Happy New Year and may 2007 treat you 1000x better than 2006.

**Ahem**

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne ?

CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !
And surely I’ll buy mine !
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
CHORUS

We two have run about the hills,
and pulled the daisies fine ;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine (dinner time) ;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand my trusty friend !
And give us a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

Peace to all.... see you in 2007....